In a scathing new tell-all book, a tiny bird affectionately known to some as “Birdie Sanders” claims he was hired by the Bernie Sanders campaign as a ploy to lend credibility to the Vermont senator’s 2016 presidential bid. In it, he states that the whole event was a “carefully crafted, deliberately staged” event. Additionally, he details the underhanded ways in which the campaign tried to sway voters and how they took advantage of the desperation, hopes, and dreams of his supporters.
In an interview with Content Spew, Birdie let loose. “I was young and stupid. I needed the money and wasn’t thinking clearly. I had no idea of the ripple effect this would cause,” Birdie claimed. “Honestly, I feel terrible. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. Millions of people were deceived and it’s all my fault. I can’t sleep. I have night terrors and often wake up squeaking and squawking in horror!”
The small House Finch claims he was bribed by the Sanders Campaign with a 5lb bag of sunflower seeds, a basket of strawberries, and a $25 gift certificate to Red Robin. Additionally, he claims the group promised further appearances on the campaign trail, fame, and fortune. But according to Birdie, they fell short on their promises. “I was told I’d be famous. That I’d have press appearances and merchandising deals. Beautiful women. Drugs. You name it.”
However, when the merchandise started to hit the shelves, Birdie claims he saw nothing from it. Additionally, he claims the campaign began using his likeness without his permission. “As time went on, the guilt became unbearable. I tricked an entire generation. Millions of starry-eyed Millenials, hopeful youths, and stinky unwashed hippies. It’s all my fault,” cheeped a distraught Birdie. “I can only pray that by exposing this massive deception, it will bring light to their crimes and absolve me of my sins.”
Birdie Sanders’ new book Shitting on America: The Birdie Sanders Story is available on Amazon.com, Books-A-Million, and at all Barnes & Nobel locations. An audiobook read by Morgan Freeman can be found on Audible.com. Birdie noted that all profits from the sale of his book will be donated to the World Wildlife Fund and the Trump 2020 Presidential Campaign.
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