Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick Sacrifices Self to Volcano
After his pleas to save the U.S. economy fell on deaf ears, Dan Patrick threw himself into the Mauna Loa volcano in Hawaii.
Donald Trump Proposes Sharing Needles to Cut Down on Costs
On Saturday, President Donald Trump suggested intravenous drug users begin sanitizing and sharing needles to cut down on costs and conserve those in short supply.
After DOW Jones Collapse, President Donald J. Trump Shot into the Sun
After the DOW Jones lost over 1,000 points, sitting president Donald J. Trump was loaded into a very big cannon and shot into the sun.
FDA Set to Ban Stem Cell Vaping
Amid growing health and safety concerns for the public, the United States’ Food and Drug Administration has announced plans to ban the recent practice of stem cell vaping.
Ukrainian President Rates Trump’s Call a “C+ at Best”
Donald Trump Melts During Rainy 4th of July Extravaganza
Donald Trump’s speech at his 4th of July “Salute to America” event ended abruptly when a sudden downpour of rain caused the president to melt.
Latest Articles
After decades of oppression “Wasp Pride” Movement Gains Momentum
Mitch McConnell’s Face Collapses in on Itself
Federal Highway Administration To Sell Interstate Naming Rights
With growing deficits and spending cuts forecast, the FHA announced it will begin selling naming rights to all federal interstate highways.
Government Subsidized “Karen” program Offers Free Name Changes to Avoid Public Distain
National Apple Lobby Releases Ad Campaign Aimed at Distancing Fruit’s Comparison to Police
Washington Redskins Change Name to Washington Foreskins
In an effort to assuage people offended by the term Redskins, the NFL team in Washington made a decision to change their name to the Foreskins.
Stay Up to Date With The Latest News & Info
Join Our Newsletter
Our newsletter will be coming soon. Please check back in a bit to subscribe to MatterHorn’s email list.
Join in on the Fun!
Follow MatterHorn on our various Social Media accounts for constant content updates, memes, contest opportunities, and more!