Sex toy start-up, Exotica Blue, announced it will launch a line of Donald Trump sex dolls at this year’s EXXXOTICA Expo. Dubbed “The Executive Privilege Line,” the Trump sex dolls will come in three categories; Commander and Chief; Mr. President; and Donald Dick, according to Exotica Blue Spokesperson, Vanessa Von Vixen.
“As we seek to penetrate the bulging global sex toy market, we think a male sex doll based on the most recognizable man on the planet is a slam dunk,” said Von Viven. “We’ve identified a huge demographic of sexually frustrated Trump supporters who want to personally experience the power of the President.“
Sex Dolls for Real Americans
The Executive Privilege Line will include budget, mid-range, and high-end models. The inflatable budget doll, Donald Dick, will target lower-income Trump fans. It is expected to retail for $109.99.
The Donald Dick is a blowup design with the inflator stem conveniently located in the doll’s crotch area. Made out of durable nitrile rubber, the Donald Dick is built to withstand temperature fluctuations common in single and double-wide metal trailers following a power outage caused by a weather-related power issues or utility shutoff for non-payment.
The mid-range model, Mr.President, will retail for $999 and is designed for the suburban, upper-middle-class Trump lover. This lifelike design captures the essence of the real Donald Trump including his signature small hands, large girth, and flaxen hair. Made of quality TPE, The Mr. President comes with a single term 4-year guarantee.
For the elite top tax bracket sex manakin enthusiasts, Erotica Blue will offer it’s top-line Commander and Chief model, retailing for $3,675. The Commander and Chief ditches the President’s morbidly obese life-size body. Instead, his head is discreetly mounted on a high-grade silicone replica of Houston Texans defensive lineman, JJ Watt’s chiseled frame. This model also has voice prompts which will activate the Commander and Chief to randomly utter phrases including; “Are you ready for an inbound cruise missile?”; “I’m not pulling out of your treaty” and “In-person is a helluva lot better than mail-in.”
Production Problems
Production of the Trump dolls began last month at Exotic Blue’s new Guatemala City production facility. However, some early delays in production were reported.
Labor activists in Guatemala cited that many factory workers refused to work on the Trump manakins. Furthermore, others attempted to deface the products due to their dislike of the American president. According to Von Vixen, these labor issues have been “resolved” and the factory is now at full production.
The Launch
Company president and former adult film director, Mitch Nicholson, expressed enthusiasm regarding the upcoming product launch. Interviewed by phone from the company’s Barstow, CA headquarters, Nicholson, who identifies himself as a long time Trump supporter, hopes to see the Executive Privilege Line become the My Pillow of the sex doll industry.
“I haven’t been this excited since my first action porn, Die Harder,” proclaimed Nicholson. “And whenever someone says, ‘Trump, what a dick!’ it’s like a free product endorsement for us.”
Additionally, as an added bonus to the Executive Privilege line product launch, Von Vixen noted that the first 500 purchasers will receive a free Make America Great Again hat and matching boxer shorts for their Trump manikin.
Marc Yaffee is a nationally-touring stand-up comedian (laughwithmarc.com). You can currently see his latest comedy special, Mid-Laugh Crisis, for free at drybarcomedy.com/Marc.
