RENO, NV – Early Tuesday morning, a local Reno-based law firm filed an astonishing $65,000,000 class-action lawsuit against The Burning Man Project; the non-profit organization that produces the annual Burning Man festival. The claim was spearheaded on behalf of 63-year-old virgin Burning Man attendee Karan Harvey.
Harvey claims that she and her campmates all developed a devastating cough while attending the festival. Consequently, she was not only unable to enjoy the event but was forced to consume the case of bottled water she brought within the first day. Then, she had no other option but to beg her fellow attendees for water and cough drops. This, she claims, caused her severe pain and suffering.
“Do you know how embarrassing it was to have to ask a bunch of dirty strangers for water,” remarked Harvey. “I was mortified. My reputation has been blemished forever, and I’ll likely have to seek long term therapy to address what happened last week. It’s something I hope and pray no other person will ever have to endure again.”
Apparently, after returning home on Monday, Harvey contacted the law firm of Lipschitz, Weiner & Weinstein to discuss her legal options. Noting that her cough had not yet gone away upon her return to Reno, she and 3 of her other campmates checked themselves into Renown Regional Medical Center where they were all diagnosed with acute Playa Lung.
“It was at that moment I knew I had to do something,” said Harvey. “If the four of us have suffered irreversible damage after just one week, imagine the thousands of others suffering in silence. I’m doing this to protect my friends and to stand for those who don’t have a voice.”
The suit claims that The Burning Man Project willfully and knowingly failed to provide adequate dust control which lead to the plaintiff and her party suffering severe lung damage, alkaline burns to the esophagus, and the formation of tonsil stones. Additionally, the suit purports that the Bureau of Land Management may also be held responsible for allowing the event to occur in the first place. Finally, Harvey included a separate $20,000,000 claim of pain and suffering due to the humiliation she suffered begging for water.
As of 11:45 AM, representatives from Burning Man and the BLM have not yet responded to the claims and could not be reached for comment.
“They knew the risks. They knew the consequences of continued exposure. They knew how deadly Playa dust was. Hell, they’ve known for over a quarter-century. And they did nothing to prepare or put preventative measures into place,” remarked attorney Shlomo Weiner. “This is classic textbook negligence. They didn’t care who they harmed, so long as the profits kept flowing in. Well this year, we say ‘no more’. It’s the little guy’s turn now.”
What Can I Do?
If you or a loved one have attended the Burning Man festival in the past and have developed Playa Lung, you may be entitled to compensation. You are urged to contact The Lawfirm of Lipschitz, Weiner & Weinstein for more information on the class action suit. Their law firm can be reached by phone at (800) 867-5309 or by emailing the office at info@ThreeJewishLawyers.com.
Read your ticket lady! You go at your own risk! We all know what can happen, maybe you should have prepared better, brought a better dust mask, cough drops, throat spray and more than one case of water! Rookie mistake and one that you could have avoided
Seriously! This shit is ridiculous.
No more tix for newbies! What a scammer!
It’s a satire, read the lawyers names! LOL
It’s *satire,* people.
I agree that it’s likely satire- and the use of clearly Jewish names makes it anti-Semitic satire. It’s using the stereotype of Jews as money-grabbers. Not ok.
Would you still feel that way knowing the author is Jewish?
“Jenny jenny who can I turn to
You give me something I can hold on to
I know you’ll think I’m like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall”
Satire.
Lol.
All over the forums and virgin guides it says to protect yourself by wearing dusk masks and bringing extra water. Sounds like she’s a victim of her own negligence. Next she’ll be suing the government for allowing exposure to the sun if she gets burned for going outside – good riddance!
This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Did she do ANY research before going? This sounds like she went to BM specifically to file a lawsuit. Nobody made her stay out there until Monday and “breath in” the dust. Go home lady! I was out there and this year was the least dustiest year I’ve every encountered.
You go in at your own risk, you take what you need in and bring it all back at the end. I bet she left her garbage out there too for other people to deal with. She sounds like an entitled princess bitch.
Nice meta. The comments really make it. Part of self reliance in our world is seeing satire, fake, real or at least, not jumping in with both feet. MAD magazine may be on the decline but satire is alive and well. Haven’t been to a burn in awhile, I’m jonesing.
Me too Klass. Planning to get back out there in 2020. Glad you enjoyed the article.
There are warnings every where on websiie where you are required to have a profile to even buy a ticket, do your research. This is the most disgusting display of willful ignorance I have ever seen. Right up there with the McDonald’s lady that sued for spilling her hot coffee on her lap. What is wrong with people.
Is this a joke?
“Do you know how embarrassing it was to have to ask a bunch of dirty strangers for water,” remarked Harvey. “I was mortified. My reputation has been blemished forever”
Burningman is not for everyone. It is not for the weak. ‘Radical self reliance’. She did not research what BM is. It is the Black Rock desert. Grow a pair, lady or just stay away. Did she not notice all the people wearing masks? Lol give me a break! (My grandma friends and I had a great time-we were prepared!!)
I can’t wait until she files a lawsuit against these three lawyers for the emotional suffering she’s going to endure after being the butt of this joke of a lawsuit.
Great pun, had me going there for a minute!
In that case ,
I’m going to sue the government for imposing upon me an idiot and then call it a president
I’m also going to sue the grocery store for forcing me to buy groceries from them
And I’m going to sue the plumber for forcing me to go to the bathroom
And I’m going to sue the city for not making all the lights green for me
Where do people like this woman come from
I have no doubt she’s a Trump cultist
It’s fucking satire…jeezuz!
I mean is this for real or some kind of joke?
You do know this is satire right? Relax.
It’s a joke! Look at the phone number for the attorneys and their names are obviously made up! ??
This is a ridiculous lawsuit. I was a Virgin Burner in 2010. We came prepared with goggles and masks. I didn’t use either. But I stayed in RV the first night. Friends did go out.
We came home with extra water. This gals lawsuit is ridiculous! I can’t believe a local law firm took it on.
We left the playa clean as a whistle. Pack it in. Pack it out!
I have not witnessed Burner Debris and I’ve lived here all my life! Is there some exaggeration to this original post? Come on people! I went. I saw. I didn’t get high or naked. Had a great 4 day experience. This gal probably knew she was filing a lawsuit before she ever arrived at BM!
It’s a joke.
Whatever happened to personal responsibility? Did you not do your research? Did you not see videos of the whiteouts that occur on the playa? I brought my 73 year old mother in 2012 and she got the flu the day we got on playa. She was coughing and sneezing and completely congested. She stayed in her tent when the wind blew and wore a dust mask when she ventured out. She didn’t blame Burningman for the dust that was aggravating her condition. She accepted her decision to go, and to stay, and dealt with the consequences. I don’t know how you could possibly present yourself as a victim here. YOU made the choice to go to Burningman. YOU chose not to wear adequate filtration. YOU made the decision to stay after realizing you were sensitive to the dust. ALL of these issues are discussed in the Burner handbook. I don’t mean to minimize your pain, but How in the hell is your “condition” ANYONE else’s responsibility other than YOURS? What the hell is wrong with our society when people like you can blame an event coordinator for the effects of nature? This is really pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself for blaming your lack of preparation on others. You are a perfect example of the people in this society who refuse to take personal responsibility for their own actions, and then greedily demand money for making bad decisions. WTF!!!
It’s a fucking joke.
There is a handbook for prep to go to Burning Man and clearly she didn’t read it. It also has a checklist which she clearly didn’t pack from. Insanity. Radical self reliance. People like this with victim mentality have no place on the playa.
It’s a fucking joke.
LMAO!!! Nice phone number; I bet the lawyer’s first name is Jenny.
Not too many people caught that Trisha. Glad you enjoyed it.
1.you go at your own risk!
2. You knew the conditions before you went to bm
3.if you felt unwell and could obtain water…why did you not leave the environment that was making you feel sick?
4.we all know to take double the water you might consume in a desert.
5.did you do your research….it not a holiday destination. ….it’s dusty salt pan …it’s an adventure. …and no one can predict an adventure!
You really need to rethink what you are doing…
You time in the desert was your choice !!!!
Definitely first world problems! Oh no, my nail cracked typing this….ANYONE READY TO SUE THE CELL PHONE INDUSTRY? ANYONE?? ?????
This is a result of poor planning on her part. Did she read the survival guide or the tons of info provided on how to prevent this?! And if asking for help causes you to “suffer”, you shouldn’t have been there in the first place. The only thing that controls the dust is Mother Nature and this expedition isn’t for everyone.
You know, this still would have been funny without the gross anti-Semitism ?
The writer of the article is Jewish
Anti-Semitic tropes. fuk you. Jews as lawyers behind this. Fuck off
The writer of this article is Jewish.
Nice satire
(Is this where i insert my fake rage for this fake news article? It wasn’t made clear to me in the memo)
She is 63, Maybe to old for burning man I am 62 and have not gone in 6 years , I went 14 years in a row 2000-13 and it was not the dust that stopped me I was one with the dust , it was I was just getting to old to take the hardship of living 10 days in the toughest places on earth , The ticket says self reliance DID she read the survival manual?????? Could her eyes not see it was a desert full of dust and Alkali ?? LOL I don’t see she has a case she is just looking to recoup her money for a bad time , She might of had a case that she was not warned about how hard it is on older folks , They should stress that a lot more , Or have a age cap lol And she sure did humiliate her SELF , She had to bag for water , That is one lie I well call her on , OUT THEIR PEOPLE WOULD RUN TO HELP HER AND GIVE HER WATER , That is for sure people are the most giving of any in the world , And then on the other hand She says she is trying to help Us all , Thanks but no thanks , Funny it takes $65,000,000 to feel better for a sore throat HOW FUNNY , I spent weeks at a time out their putting up theme camps and staying after , and never wore a dust mask and never had a problem with it or after or years later , She is full of CRAP
Good! Hopefully Burning man will move to a new state that burners can trash. The streets are littered with grabage in Gerlach, Fallon, Fernley and Reno. We don’t go to your homes and throw garbage everywhere.
The embarrassed to ask dirty strangers for water comment is hilarious. I’m so sure a judge will find merit in her claim?! Just another money hungry yuppie, looking to cash out at the expense of everyone else’s enjoyment. I hope she gets counter sued for the legal expense once her claim is found invalid.
Let me know when you go to court so I can come and say Bullshit.