Why are you all sitting at home? Because the government told you to? Stop being a pussy. It’s time for things to get back to normal.
Doctors confirm that a local homeless crust punk from New York City may hold the key to a cure for Coronavirus.
As part of his new Coronavirus task force, President Donald Trump appointed Mr. Clean as the head of the defunct U.S. Sanitary Commission.
After her embarrassing suggestion to reopen the city of Las Vegas was met with scorn and ridicule, Mayor Carolyn Goodman began strangling random citizens to death.
Amid cries for help from overwhelmed doctors, nurses, and coroners, hospitals have begun reaching out to the public to supply homemade body bags.
Recent reports indicate that the failure to replace a child’s expired car seat has resulted in the death of a toddler who consumed a portion of the outdated vehicular safety device.
Just in time for Passover, personal lubricant producer K-Y rolled out their new line of Kosher-certified silicone and water-based sex jellies.
In a historic drug bust, nearly 2lbs of black market toilet paper laced with the deadly synthetic narcotic Fentanyl was seized after a routine traffic stop.
According to a recent announcement by President Donald Trump, buying your very own “My Pillow” may help cure coronavirus.
According to a conservative woman, their family dog was caught with a sample ballot and was planning to vote for Joe Biden.
During a recent televised public address, a menacing vulture landed on Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden’s podium.
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