National Apple Lobby Releases Ad Campaign Aimed at Distancing Fruit’s Comparison to Police
Clandestine Toilet Paper Lab Discovered in Sun Valley, NV
A local HAZMAT team has been called to clean up a recently-discovered large scale clandestine toilet paper lab operating out of Sun Valley, Nevada.
Local Deputies Seize Black Market Toilet Paper Laced With Fentanyl
In a historic drug bust, nearly 2lbs of black market toilet paper laced with the deadly synthetic narcotic Fentanyl was seized after a routine traffic stop.
Crazed Gunman Shoots Up Church of Scientology, Nobody Cares
Apparently, over 3 weeks ago, a crazed gunman entered the Church of Scientology headquarters in LA and opened fire, killing 42 people. However, nobody even noticed!
Carole Baskin – “I Killed Jeffrey Epstein”
In a shocking announcement on Wednesday afternoon, Carole Baskin, owner of Big Cat Rescue, announced she had orchestrated and successfully carried out the murder of Jeffrey Epstein.
Harvey Weinstein Spontaneously Combusts
After a 23 year sentence, recovering from major back surgery, heart issues, and after contracting the Coronavirus, Harvey Weinstein spontaneously combusted on his way back to prison.
Tupac’s Hologram Gunned Down in Las Vegas
Child Sentenced to Prison for Unpaid School Lunch Debt
Ukrainian President Rates Trump’s Call a “C+ at Best”
Trump Pardons Joe Exotic in Desperate Bid for “the Gay Vote”
In a desperate bid to secure “the gay vote” in the 2020 presidential election, Donald Trump announced he would pardon Tiger King Joe Exotic.
“The Fuckening” – Fuck Bots of the Future, Today!
Once AI is implemented we’re gonna have a national security issue on our hands & wangs. Sit tight humanity. The fuck bots are cumming to a store near you.
Donald Trump – “My Pillow” May Cure Coronavirus
According to a recent announcement by President Donald Trump, buying your very own “My Pillow” may help cure coronavirus.
Family Dog Caught In Possession of Sample Ballot
According to a conservative woman, their family dog was caught with a sample ballot and was planning to vote for Joe Biden.
Vulture Lands on Biden’s Podium During Televised Campaign Speech
During a recent televised public address, a menacing vulture landed on Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden’s podium.
National Strippers’ Union to Phase out Police Uniforms
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