On August 26th of this year, stand-up comedian Dave Chappelle released his latest Netflix comedy special Sticks & Stones. In it, Chappelle addressed the burgeoning “cancel culture”, the growing difficulties of being a comic in a PC world, and playfully jabbed at the LGBTQ community.

Within hours, outraged social justice warriors took to the internet to voice their complaints and call for Chappelle to be put to death for his transgressions. On Monday evening, they got their wish, as a coven of disgruntled lesbians and genderqueer activists kidnapped him from his home and burned the helpless comic at the stake.

Dave Chappelle's Netflix Special "Stick & Stones"
Dave Chappelle’s Netflix Special “Stick & Stones”

The torched remains of a Dave Chappelle were recovered from the forest Tuesday morning after PFLAG and GLADD began tweeting about the incident. Greene County investigators identified the 46-year-old comedian after recovering his body from a campsite in John Bryan State Park.

Captain Thurgood Jenkins said the body was nearly burned beyond recognition. “The poor guy had an entire box of tampons shoved in his rectum and the word #MeToo written on his forehead in blood,” remarked Jenkins. “It was brutal.”

In the special, Chappelle notes that “no matter what you do in your artistic expression, you are never, ever, allowed to upset the alphabet people. You know who I mean. Those people who took 20% of the alphabet for themselves. I’m talking about them Ls and Bs and Gs and the Ts.” Sadly for the often-controversial comedian, he didn’t know how right he was.

Dave Chappelle's Charred Corpse
Dave Chappelle’s Charred Corpse

Content Spew’s team caught up with some of Chappelle’s critics earlier in the day to see how they felt about the incident. “He crafted a keenly-timed poke at a disturbingly-fragile group of vulnerable individuals, and for that, he deserved to die,” remarked self-described ‘straight ally’ Melina Ciscerro. “Our community fully supports the brave souls who took out the despicable Mr. Chappelle,” said trans woman Betsy James. “Comedians need to learn what is and isn’t funny. It’s not that hard people.”

While many people jumped on the bigotry bandwagon, others opted to defend the late comedian. “I have no issue with people feeling however they feel about Dave Chappelle’s jokes. What I do take issue with is acting like he can’t joke about certain topics because they’re off limits,” said columnist Bridget Phetasy. “Our society needs to work harder to ensure comedians can live their lives without fear,” said president of the ACLU Susan N. Herman.

Bridget Phetasy Responds to Dave Chappelle's Critics on Twitter
Bridget Phetasy Responds to Critics on Twitter

According to a recent statement made by the Screen Actors Guild, Dave Chappelle is the 7th professional comedian to be “violently murdered by liberals” in 2019. The American Medical Association called the increasing fatal attacks against comedians an “epidemic.” Later, they proposed a well-funded educational program to combat this recent spike in violence. It included plans to teach people about the importance of the 1st Amendment, as well as the differences between comedy, cultural ignorance, and outright hatred. 

Hours after the discovery of the body, a rouge group of activists calling themselves ALF (The Agender Leftist Front) claimed partial responsibility for organizing the violent act. Meanwhile, the investigation is ongoing and the Sheriff’s Office said it could not yet be confirmed as a hate crime “until a clear motive is found.”

Agender Leftist Front (ALF)
Member of the Agender Leftist Front