Parenting Like a Pro – The Secrets to Success
How do you make sure you’re doing this whole parenting thing right? Fear not! I’m here to answer all those questions and more.
Local Child Dies After Consuming Expired Car Seat
Recent reports indicate that the failure to replace a child’s expired car seat has resulted in the death of a toddler who consumed a portion of the outdated vehicular safety device.
Kennedy Family Agrees to Sterilize all Remaining Members
After yet another tragedy, the remaining members of the Kennedy family announced they’d be sterilizing themselves in order to put an end to their cursed bloodline.
Congress Unanimously Passes Law Outlawing Release of Further “Land Before Time” Films
In a landmark decision made Monday Morning, the United States Congress outlawed the production and release of further Land Before Time films.
Charmin Unveils New Toilet Paper Roll With 35% More Paisleys
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Trump Pardons Joe Exotic in Desperate Bid for “the Gay Vote”
In a desperate bid to secure “the gay vote” in the 2020 presidential election, Donald Trump announced he would pardon Tiger King Joe Exotic.
“The Fuckening” – Fuck Bots of the Future, Today!
Once AI is implemented we’re gonna have a national security issue on our hands & wangs. Sit tight humanity. The fuck bots are cumming to a store near you.
Donald Trump – “My Pillow” May Cure Coronavirus
According to a recent announcement by President Donald Trump, buying your very own “My Pillow” may help cure coronavirus.
Family Dog Caught In Possession of Sample Ballot
According to a conservative woman, their family dog was caught with a sample ballot and was planning to vote for Joe Biden.
Vulture Lands on Biden’s Podium During Televised Campaign Speech
During a recent televised public address, a menacing vulture landed on Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden’s podium.
National Strippers’ Union to Phase out Police Uniforms
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