March just hasn’t been Harvey Weinstein’s month. Less than two weeks ago, the recently disgraced former film producer was found guilty of rape. Consequently, he was sentenced to 23 years in prison. Later, after recovering from major back surgery & heart issues, and just one day after contracting the Covid-19 Coronavirus, Harvey Weinstein spontaneously combusted while on his way back to prison.
Weinstein may have spontaneously combusted due to what burn ward physicians are calling a “perfect storm” of bad luck. “Taking into account the 60-degree bent-over angle he maintained due to his back surgery, Harvey Weinstein was in the perfect position to release a steady stream of flammable methane gas. Coupled with his excess deposits of body fat, all he needed was a renegade ignition source,” noted a representative from the American Burn Association.
That “renegade ignition source” came in the form of a lit cigarette. It was being smoked by an unassuming man on a bench outside the courthouse steps. Naturally, the man was quite startled by the resulting explosion and ran off after watching Weinstein bumble about in circles. Police have expressed interest in speaking with him and are requesting anyone with information step forward.
“The poor guy just can’t catch a break,” said famed actor/comedian Bill Cosby. “My heart goes out to him in this tough time. Weinstein’s unexpected and devastating eruption into flame caused significant damage to over 73% of his body. However, Weinstein was lucky that only half of his face melted off.
Mr. Weinstein’s lead counsel, Donna Rotunno, declined to say whether Mr. Weinstein had indeed tested positive for spontaneous combustion. “Naturally, we are going to protect Mr. Weinstein’s privacy,” she said in a statement.
Despite suffering serious bodily harm, Weinstein is expected to make a full recovery.