Las Vegas, NV – On Wednesday afternoon, in an interview with Anderson Cooper, Mayor Carolyn Goodman called for casinos to reopen throughout Las Vegas. After Cooper noted that Goodman was essentially encouraging hundreds of thousands of people to travel to Las Vegas, patronize casinos, and then travel back home after contaminating one another, the ill-informed mayor doubled down on her irrational proposal.
Throughout the lengthy interview, the mayor repeatedly downplayed the dangers of the Coronavirus pandemic. Despite the fact that the virus has killed more than 45,000 Americans thus far, Goodman failed to take the issue seriously. “I have no plans to keep people safe. And of course, it may be horribly irresponsible to suggest such a thing. However, I think we’re ready for it,” said Goodman. “I mean, I’m willing to sacrifice the residents of Las Vegas in order to give it a shot. Who knows? It could all work out in the end, right?”
However, when her utterly insane and embarrassing suggestion to reopen the city of Las Vegas was met with scorn and ridicule, Carolyn Goodman took to the streets and began strangling residents to death. The enraged woman was seen viciously choking men, women, and children who happened to cross her path.
The deadly rampage went on for nearly an hour before the SWAT team was called in. Upon engagement, they quickly put an end to the carnage and took Goodman into custody.
For the Greater Good
When asked why she was purposefully killing people in the streets, Goodman insisted she was simply testing social distancing mandates. She noted that her intentions were completely pure and in the interest of science. Additionally, she hoped her actions would “prove to the nation that things could go back to normal” without issue.
“I’d love for everything to reopen immediately. If this is what I have to do to prove things are safe, so be it,” Goodman remarked. “My test subjects and I are simply a control group, but I think my results speak for themselves. However, it’s not up to me. Ultimately, it’s up to the casinos and restaurants to decide.”
Goodman was booked into the Clark Country Detention Center. She was charged with 38 counts of 1st-degree murder and 79 counts of physical assult with intent to inflict grievous bodily harm. Later, she was transported to the Desert Parkway Insane Asylum. Once there, she was placed into solitary confinement. When asked if she had completely lost her mind, the deranged woman shouted back “that’s up to them to figure out!”