Local Deputies Seize Black Market Toilet Paper Laced With Fentanyl
In a historic drug bust, nearly 2lbs of black market toilet paper laced with the deadly synthetic narcotic Fentanyl was seized after a routine traffic stop.
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Author: Alex Chambers
Crazed Gunman Shoots Up Church of Scientology, Nobody Cares
Apparently, over 3 weeks ago, a crazed gunman entered the Church of Scientology headquarters in LA and opened fire, killing 42 people. However, nobody even noticed!
Read MoreKennedy Family Agrees to Sterilize all Remaining Members
After yet another tragedy, the remaining members of the Kennedy family announced they’d be sterilizing themselves in order to put an end to their cursed bloodline.
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Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick Sacrifices Self to Volcano
After his pleas to save the U.S. economy fell on deaf ears, Dan Patrick threw himself into the Mauna Loa volcano in Hawaii.
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Comedy Writers Exhausted Trying to Keep Up With Trump
With the endless amount of nonsensical things that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth, satirical comedy writers are beginning to suffer from exhaustion.
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