South Kona, Hawaii – After Donald Trump stated that he intended to reopen the economy in weeks, rather than months, he began to receive backlash from doctors and infectious disease experts. They claimed his wreckless proposals could lead to the death of hundreds of thousands of American citizens. However, not all voices took aim at the president. The Lieutenant Governor of Texas Dan Patrick spoke, arguing that he would rather die than see public health measures damage the U.S. economy.
“Please, don’t sacrifice the country,” said Patrick. “My message: let’s get back to work, let’s get back to living,” he continued. “I’d rather die than have that happen.” At the time, Patrick didn’t answer questions from journalists at Content Spew about whether he would abide by the advice of public health experts or not.
Dan Patrick – A Man of His Word
On Friday morning, Dan Patrick put his money where his mouth was. After his pleas to save the U.S. economy fell on deaf ears, Patrick threw himself into the Mauna Loa active volcano in Hawaii. Patrick claimed his inspiration for the ritualistic sacrifice came after being visited by the goddess Pele in a dream.
Before throwing himself into the bubbling abyss, Patrick praised the president’s focus and devotion to economic restoration. He remarked that Trump’s words had “inspired” him and lifted his heart. “This may be the only way to salvage what remains of our economy. This act doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that,” Patrick added. “I have to do this for my children and my children’s children.”
Republican commentators Tucker Carlson and Glenn Beck praised Dan Patrick for his valiant and selfless sacrifice. “I urge every God-fearing American over the age of 50 to come together,” said Beck. “Follow the lead of Brother Patrick and jump into the nearest volcano. Do it for the children!”