Tenaha, TX – In a historic bust, nearly 2LBS of black market Charmin Ultra Soft Super Mega toilet paper laced with the deadly synthetic narcotic Fentanyl was seized Sunday morning after a routine traffic stop. According to the report, 27.2 grams (just over 3 rolls) of the tightly compact fluffy white substance tested positive for the deadly opiate.
Crisis & Desperation
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Fentanyl is 50 times more potent than heroin. Shockingly, it is now responsible for nearly 30% of the nation’s overdose deaths. “This is a killer. A dangerous drug. You don’t want to get involved with it,” said crime and safety expert Ken Jefferson. “And the fact that it’s made its way into less harmful substances, it’s disheartening to say the least.”
In light of the mounting fears of the COVID-19 Coronavirus, toilet paper shortages have begun plaguing the country. With stores unable to keep product on the shelves, the underground trade has answered the call. Naturally, the market is ripe for predators to take advantage of people. Coupled with the fact that the drug is being added to black market toilet paper, desperate people are going to suffer.
Generally, one ounce of toilet paper is considered reasonable for personal use. According to this online toilet paper calculator, the suspects were in possession of enough to supply 33 people. “The fact that these guys were packing this much product; well they meant business,” said Jefferson. “Ultimately, the dealers don’t care. They’re all about the profit. It’s all about supply and demand. And as long as the demand exists, dealers are going to keep people supplied with it.”
Later in the day, the Tenaha Police Department released a statement urging the public to only purchase toilet paper from approved, licensed stores. “We understand times are tough. We understand the urge to acquire personal care products from other sources is high. But Fentanyl can kill you,” said police chief Jeremy Pope. “Please resist the temptation to score from unauthorized distributors. Your next wipe could be your last.”