Washington, D.C. – A disheveled man claiming to be the REAL Bernie Sanders emerged Wednesday morning after being held captive in what he described as a “secret DNC torture chamber.” The badly bruised and bloodied man alleged that he had been abducted from his home nearly two weeks before. After which, he was held against his will by deep state DNC officials.
After genetic tests were performed, it was confirmed that he was, in fact, the real Bernie Sanders. With suspicions confirmed, Content Spew‘s team demanded answers!
In an interview with our reporters, the senator and presidential hopeful claims he was replaced by a sophisticated automaton called the RoboBernie4000. In the meantime, Sanders was whipped, beaten, and waterboarded by Debbie Wasserman Schultz in a secret underground chamber at the DNC’s headquarters.
Later, in a press briefing held in an undisclosed location, Sanders urged his loyal base to disregard everything he had said over the past week. “Make no mistake! I am certainly still in the race for president and I DO NOT endorse Joe Biden. Our movement is alive and well, and I’ll be with you till the bitter end,” Sanders remarked.
When asked about his experiences in the DNC prison, Sanders had this to say:
“I watched in horror as they paraded around that robotic abomination. My only hope was that I would find a way to escape my restraints,” said Sanders. “Luckily, that time finally came. I was able to strangle the dungeon guard Chris Matthews with a piece of dental floss. Next, I used it to remove my handcuffs. Finally, I wielded his skull as a makeshift club to bash out one of the windows and made my escape!”
The DNC responded to Sanders’ allegations, claiming that he was overreacting. “Once again, Bernie Sanders is out-of-touch and off-base. He’s making false claims and trying to hurt the Democratic party, said CEO of the DNC Seema Nanda. “The DNC certainly didn’t have Bernie kidnapped. We certainly didn’t torture him in a secret DNC prison camp. And we certainly didn’t attempt to replace him with a robot who’d toe the party line.”