Category: Health
Opinion: Everyone But Me Needs to Get Back to Normal
Why are you all sitting at home? Because the government told you to? Stop being a pussy. It’s time for things to get back to normal.
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Crust Punk May Hold Key To Coronavirus Cure
Doctors confirm that a local homeless crust punk from New York City may hold the key to a cure for Coronavirus.
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Donald Trump Appoints Mr. Clean to Head Sanitation commission
As part of his new Coronavirus task force, President Donald Trump appointed Mr. Clean as the head of the defunct U.S. Sanitary Commission.
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Mayor Carolyn Goodman Begins Strangling Las Vegas Residents to Death
After her embarrassing suggestion to reopen the city of Las Vegas was met with scorn and ridicule, Mayor Carolyn Goodman began strangling random citizens to death.
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Amid Coronavirus Pandemic, New York Hospitals Reach out to Volunteers for Homemade Body Bags
Amid cries for help from overwhelmed doctors, nurses, and coroners, hospitals have begun reaching out to the public to supply homemade body bags.
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Local Child Dies After Consuming Expired Car Seat
Recent reports indicate that the failure to replace a child’s expired car seat has resulted in the death of a toddler who consumed a portion of the outdated vehicular safety device.
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K-Y Introduces New Kosher Personal Lubricant
Just in time for Passover, personal lubricant producer K-Y rolled out their new line of Kosher-certified silicone and water-based sex jellies.
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Local Deputies Seize Black Market Toilet Paper Laced With Fentanyl
In a historic drug bust, nearly 2lbs of black market toilet paper laced with the deadly synthetic narcotic Fentanyl was seized after a routine traffic stop.
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Comedy Writers Exhausted Trying to Keep Up With Trump
With the endless amount of nonsensical things that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth, satirical comedy writers are beginning to suffer from exhaustion.
Read MoreBatman Contracts the Covid-19 Coronavirus
In a shocking announcement, a publicist representing beloved superhero Batman seems to have contracted the Covid-19 coronavirus.
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7 Signs Your Dog is Depressed
Is your dog depressed? Your beloved pooch may be suffering in silence. See if your dog may be experiencing symptoms of depression.
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