Early this morning, the Fox Network announced they would begin filming their hot new reality show Jeffrey Epstein’s Pedophile Island next Saturday. The series is scheduled to take place over the following three weeks on the recently-deceased billionaire and sex-trafficker’ private island sanctuary in the Virgin Islands.

Chris Hansen, television personality and former host of To Catch a Predator, was secured by FOX to moderate the exciting new series. Naturally, Hansen was overjoyed to be involved. “I’m so grateful that FOX chose me for this role,” Hansen remarked. “I was getting worried I was going to be heading to prison myself if I couldn’t raise enough money to pay off those damn coffee mugs.”

News Corp founder Rupert Murdoch voiced his disappointment about Jeffrey Epstein’s untimely passing, noting that the production team was “truly hoping he (Epstein) would be available to host the show.”

"Pedophile Island" Host Chris Hansen
“Pedophile Island” Host Chris Hansen

While FOX is keeping many of the show’s details a secret, the investigative team at Content Spew was able to uncover some of the basic minutiae and plans for the series. Apparently, the show will feature a hand-selected rainbow of 50 convicted male pedophiles. They’ll be competing for a chance to be released from prison with time served and removal from the National Sex Offender Registry. Naturally, the competition will be fierce.

The show will involve various challenges and daily tasks pitting the men against one another. According to our sources, the first 30 contestants will be removed quickly in a fashion similar to the 90s dating game show Singled Out.

Producers believe this portion of the show will allow the pedophiles to get to know their fellow contestants, as well as the pool of children who will also be appearing on the series. We speculate this will take place over the first week, leaving the following two weeks for the remaining men to compete for an array of “prizes.”

Convicted Pedophile Contestants
Potential Contestants on “Pedophile Island”

Additionally, the producers of the series have recruited fifteen children from the Florida foster care system to star in the show. The lucky boys and girls will be dropped off on the approximately 78-acre property and will also be given a variety of weekly challenges; most of which will involve avoiding molestation attempts. Apparently, the child who successfully evades the pedophiles for the longest will be adopted by a loving family.

Each day, any child who successfully avoids contact with the pedophiles will be given immunity and will stay on the island another day. Additionally, they will be given a bologna sandwich and a box of Capri Sun juice concentrate. Meanwhile, the other children must decide which of them will be voted off the island and must return to their foster parent(s).

Bound Child
Child Tied Up for an Immunity Challenge

Our sources indicated that we should expect an exciting special guest appearance by either a current or former President of the United States. The producers said they expect the series to be a massive success. Naturally, FOX already has plans to slot the show into their Primetime Sunday night lineup.

While their new cartoon series Bless the Harts was originally set to air its first episode on September 29th, the show will either be delayed or scrapped completely to make room for Pedophile Island. If that is the case, the new reality show will likely be wedged between The Simpsons and Bob’s Burgers.